Punk Band: Larry Taint*

While there's no way in hell we're plunking down $10.50 to see Bewitched, it would be an utterly genius move if the director** were to replace Will Farrell with another actor who looks vaguely like him three quarters of the way through the movie. Everyone would pretend they didn't notice and later both Ferrell and his replacement would die of a terrible disease.

Also: Here is a review we wrote after downloading the New Pornographer's upcoming third album, Twin Cinema. It makes no sense.

Here we are, the broken spine of a lime wedge trapped between the melting ice of the night's second TUD***. Upstairs, the neighbor with the prosthetic hand is listening to Dido, while somewhere down the hall, the 14-year-old kid who visits his mother in the city on weekends is Roughing Up The Suspect with a little help from a Pottery Barn catalog. Outside, a woman waiting for the M101 bus thinks about all the frankfurter she's had up the old coal shoot and mentally gives herself the thumbs down. Then, like in that Magnolia**** movie, this song plays and everybody sings along, you, me, the plastic hand man, the whacking kid, the slattern at the bus stop. Jason Robards looks on from Hell's fiery furnace and says, “What the fuck?”

* This is a play on the name of Darren Stevens' boss. And by taint we mean, well, you know. Look alive, people.
** Wait, it's Nora Ephron. This will not happen.
*** Totally Unnecessary Drink
**** “Respect the cock.”