That's Just The Booze Talking

Friday, July 22, 2005

The World Kicked Back, a Lot Fucking Harder

So we've been busy and we're not going to apologize for it. But we promise that today will bring a whole treasure trove of new content, unless we piss off to the bar early and get drunker than Jamie Farr drinking up his quarterly residuals from After M*A*S*H. (Slight digression here: What the fuck was going on when they pitched After M*A*S*H? It must have gone down like this: “Well, see, we want to capitalize on the success of regular M*A*S*H, only instead of inviting back the actual stars of that show, we're going to focus on the characters that everybody hated. So we've got calls in to William Christopher, who played the chafing milquetoast chaplin Father Francis Fucking Mulcahy, and we've reached out to Harry Morgan, who when not beating the mortal shit out of his wife portrayed the horse-lovin' martinet Colonel Potter. Oh, and let's not forget the A-rab guy from Cannonball Run, what's-his-ass, Kilnger. The goof who dressed up like a broad because he was trying to convince the Army brass that he was crazy like Swayze in order to land a Section 8 and get shipped back to Toledo. We couldn't get Burghoff and even that guy who played Igor the Beleaguered Cook told us to go suck it, but I'm pretty sure we can get Sidney the shrink on board.)

Wait, what just happened there?

Anyway, we're back. Sort of. While we continue to try and pick up the pieces, enjoy this, which is the third installment in an increasingly hilarious series. The elevator pitch is that this guy takes the worst photos from the sites that document the goings on at douche hatcheries like Misshapes and The Cobrasnake and then ridicules the hipster tardlets with the sort of straight shooting that probably would have saved these people from behaving like this in public had they been passed down by a Concerned Parent or Fun-Loving Uncle.

Here's an excerpt:

“You know what's better than ironic glasses? Ironic facial hair. You know what's better than ironic facial hair? An ironic tanktop. You know what's better than an ironic tanktop? Ironic short shorts. You know what's better than ironic short shorts? An ironic fannypack. You know what's better than an ironic fannypack? Ironically exploiting the homeless for your own fucking amusement. Congratulations, asshole! You fucking did it! You actually made us feel bad about being alive! YAY!!!!!!!!”