That's Just The Booze Talking

Monday, December 19, 2005

Chief Inspector Blancheflower

One of the perqs of working for Shaved Nun Quarterly is that we get every magazine published in these United States sent to our office, which means that we’ve read approximately 180 articles about Naomi Watts in just the last week alone. It also means that things like this land in our mailbox from time to time. As you may well imagine, all the articles in ADDitude magazine are really, really short. They also tend to break off in mid-thought, which, while mildly disorienting, makes for a somewhat fascinating read:

“It is estimated that there are over 2.5 million people who are diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. The majority of these are boys. As a mother of a boy and a teacher, I have seen first hand the OH MY GOD LOOK IT’S A SQUIRRELL!!”

“In the wake of a recent decision by Canadian authorities to suspend sales of Adderall XR, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry has advised physicians WHHEEEEEEEEEE!!! LET’S GO RIDE BIKES!!!”

“Do kids who take stimulant medication for AD/HD face an increased risk of substance abuse later on? According to a recent study by researchers at the University of Michigan, the answer MY BUTT ITCHES!!! YAYYYYY!!!”

Yes, we know, we should have stopped the joke at the second lame attempt at humor, but The Rule of Three commands that we persevere, no matter how lame our attempts at hee hee ho make us look. This must be how Cedric the Entertainer feels all the time.