That's Just The Booze Talking

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Baby There’s No Guidance When Random Rules



Memes are the lazy, overworked blogger’s best friend. Here’s our annotated iPod shuffle questionnaire, which if nothing else suggests that we are living in the past, but not in a stinky-Boomer-hey-man-we-ended-the-war-in-‘Nam kind of way but in a huffy-prick-who-hates-everything-and-bores-people-with-stories-about-how-we-drank-beer-with-Legs-McNeil-that-one-time kind of way. Which we never do, but still … only four of the songs that came up were released during this century.

How does the world see you?
“Just a Friend,” Biz Markie. OK, we’ll take that. The Biz is perhaps best known for his clownish demeanor and his dogged pursuit of the fairer sex … although we could do without all the exposition. All that shit about him signing in at the gate and trying to find the girl’s dorm room sort of unnecessarily delays the “Oh, snap! Guess what I saw?” dénouement.

Will I have a happy life?
“Back in Black,” AC/DC. Sounds like a no, but then again, what the fuck is the guy with the silly hat even singing about here? Would have preferred one of their more grotesquely parodic songs, like “Big Balls,” but there you have it.

What do my friends really think of me?
“Shocker in Gloomtown,” The Breeders. That this is a GBV cover certainly suggests a free-fall into alcoholic dissolution, plus there’s the whole Kelly-Deal-Has-[Or Had]-Big-Problems element. Because it’s a Bob Pollard composition, the lyrics actually don’t mean anything, but there’s something telling about the last verse: “So tell me: How the hell did we miss it? / Bared his ass for all to see / and no one got to kiss it.”

Do people secretly lust after me?
“Everything’s Worse,” Giant Drag. That’s generally the sentiment expressed by the ladies after they’ve made their secret lust for us not secret anymore.

How can I make myself happy?
“I Don’t Care About You,” Fear. Shit, this thing is like a fucking Ouija board.

What should I do with my life?
“Methamphetamine Blues,” Mark Lanegan Band. Next.

Will I ever have children?
“A Wolf at the Door,” Radiohead. Another spooky response, if the chorus is anything to go by: “I keep the wolf from the door / But he calls me up / Calls me on the phone / Tells me all the ways that he’s gonna mess me up /
Steal all my children if I don’t pay the ransom / And I’ll never see them again if I squeal to the cops.”

What is some good advice for me?
“Search and Destroy,” The Stooges. And here’s our advice to you, Iggy: Invest in a few shirts. How do you get past the maitre d’?

How will I be remembered?
“Jesus,” The Velvet Underground. Heh.

What is my signature dancing song?
“We Don’t Make Each Other Laugh Anymore,” Arab Strap. This is almost perfect. We stopped dancing in bars and in our apartment when we stopped living with The Ballerina, aka The Girl Formerly Known As The Girlfriend of Sakebomb. We stopped living with The Ballerina when she we made her cry more than we made her laugh.

What do I think my current theme song is?
“I Wanna Know Girls,” Portastatic. Hmmm. “I wanna know girls, don’t wanna know men / I’m already stuck inside the head of one of them.”

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
“Your Phone’s Off the Hook (But You’re Not),” X. “All of New York is a tow-away zone.”

What song will play at my funeral?
“Road to Nowhere,” Talking Heads. This is spookier than discovering that Tyne Daly is now the hot one from Cagney & Lacey.

What type of women do you like?
“Sunday Girl,” Blondie. “I know a girl from a lonely street / Cold as ice cream, but still as sweet.”

What is my day going to be like?
“Julie’s Been Working for the Drug Squad,” The Clash. We certainly hope not.

11 Comments:

At Tue Apr 04, 03:05:00 PM, Blogger fairest said...

ha ha. Yeah, it's like in that slick rick song when it's delayed that the mailman's dick is up the wife's throat.

 
At Fri May 05, 11:16:00 AM, Blogger Laughlynne said...

I hope you don't give up this blog. It really is my favorite.

 
At Tue May 16, 03:56:00 AM, Blogger Amanda & Boulos said...

I'm with laughlynne. Don't quit on us.

 
At Sun Dec 24, 06:02:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is that his design in settling here?
hydrocodone lortab

 
At Mon Jan 22, 04:00:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great site

http://arthritis-relief.lysog.info arthritis relief
http://leather-chair.lysog.info leather chair
http://lucchese-boot.malig.info lucchese boot
http://toshiba-part.malig.info toshiba part
http://home-treadmill.malig.info home treadmill
http://turbo-tax.malig.info turbo tax
http://born-shoe.asapdeals.com born shoe
http://stretch-film.bucksathome.com stretch film
http://tv-stand.asapdeals.com tv stand
http://jet-pump.casinogamefactory.com jet pump
http://nfl-jerseys.1timesex.com nfl jerseys
http://party-poker-online.boulevardprivates.com party poker online
http://charlotte-job.asapdeals.com charlotte job
http://porch-swing.eurocarexpert.com porch swing
http://kohler-plumbing.1timesex.com kohler plumbing

Thanks.

 
At Tue Feb 06, 09:25:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who can help me with .httpaccess ?
where i can fined full information about .httpaccess file syntaxis?

 
At Thu Feb 08, 09:46:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

cialis levitra


order tramadol



buy meridia


what is ultram

 
At Fri Feb 09, 06:49:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

MESSAGE

 
At Fri Feb 09, 06:49:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

olympus digital camera model


casio digital camera



nikon digital camera accessory


sony digital camera dsc

 
At Thu Mar 01, 10:23:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

best regards, nice info midway chevrolet buick chrysler

 
At Tue Mar 06, 07:34:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have an outstanding good and well structured site. I enjoyed browsing through it esig mba in lebanon Doctor online order viagra visit Domino antispam Consumers results for pressure washers Sale of vacuum cleaners Long term care insurance comparison in britain Mauritius colleges Digital camera finder Link http www.top10ranking.net search engine positioning why am i attracted to transexuals http://www.leather-coats-5.info/banking-finance-and-insurance.html zinn hardcore Clarkfield web site marketing safety and risk management courses religious doctorate on line Pilates lansdale pa

 

Post a Comment

<< Home